Mirrormask

last post

2010-04-29T22:39:00.002+10:00

yup, this is the last post folks.

as of now, mirrormask is officially closed. hahaha

4th dec 06 - 29 apr 10

lol quite a long time i reckon.

i'd like to say a huge thank you to those who follow(ed) my blog, be it close friends or acquaintances, for sharing my journey thus far, and occasionally leaving notes and comments of support, advice and just plain random comments. you guys have been great company. =) and thanks too, to those who made the effort to track my blog down amidst the several relocations throughout the years and whom i forget to mention it to XD

but this time i will.

check out my new blog guys!

http://dispensinglove.blogspot.com

see you there~

this is Jian signing out from mirrormask. for good.

2010-04-25T15:41:00.003+10:00

was fooling around with the import export blog settings, and resulted in all my comments being lost. greatt.

but whatever. chapter closed ;)

bye bye blog.

2010-04-25T14:48:00.005+10:00

more than any other day,我觉得身边有人变了。变得陌生、冷淡。我并没感到意外或惊奇。只有一丝丝酸涩、无奈。随缘吧！我会加油的！ =)

i feel like sleepingggg. xD

but i actually had 9 hours of good solid sleep last night. =) a satisfying dinner at a pretty place with a very relaxing atmosphere does wonders. ^_^

big bearrr~

found it =O

2010-04-24T16:31:00.004+10:00

was reading through my older post and realised my writing style and mindset are so different now. and i actually scoffed at how childish some posts seem to be.

besides that tho, i do miss my older self. my past naivety, innocence and optimism. i loved more, criticised less, and definitely smiled and laughed more.

being constantly at extreme ends of spectrums, perhaps it's the balance between being dumb+happy and realistic+depressed that i need to achieve.

also learning to look for every silver lining, no matter how tiny, in the darkest of clouds. and thanking god for remembering to leave me a way out in every single messy situation.

i'll be back soon. to my upgraded younger self =) i hope. xD

optimism at its best. i'll take control starting now.

junkyard

2010-04-24T01:11:00.003+10:00

that's what i'm treating my blog as today. i'm sorry. i just need to get some more stuff out of my system today. hehe don't read it if you don't want to. they're just.... ramblings full of negative vibes, so do skip to the next next next next post if you dont feel like you're up for my brain+emotional waste.

*********************************************

sometimes i swear the world is out to get me.

i was cursing it.

and there it was again, popping out right in front of my face and taunting me.

fine fine, i know i'm not good enough, i'm not worth it. /rolleye

and i'm reminded once again that i'm so very very alone.

as if that needed reminding.

i've been so angsty and sad lately. me no likey =(

more like just a depressed sad actually =(

sigh i mustn't succumb to weakness.

but, it's just too easy to do so.

**********************************************

Came back late, and gave Snugs a tight tight hug for the longest of time.

Going back to Camberwell wasn't a good idea.

**********************************************

Dear Life,

i'm not being unreasonable. is it not right to ask for a little lasting peace and quiet? and more harmony and love? you're just being too mean. dont pick on me! =( give me something good for me to look forward to this time, ok? if you can't, then maybe you can get me a memory eraser? that would work great too. thanks!

xoxo

Jian

**********************************************

when i grow up, i want to have an awesome hubby and great kids.

i want to continue having a close, loving relationship with my siblings.

i want to live near my mum & dad, bring them to parks, bring them yummy food everyday.

i will laugh everyday and live happily ever after with my happy family.

**********************************************

that's all for tonight. wonder if anyone actually read it this far. =o

2010-04-23T19:52:00.003+10:00

back to point O.

haih it's gonna be a long night.

need some love

2010-04-23T00:55:00.002+10:00

“昨日像那东流水　离我远去不可留　今日乱我心　多烦忧

抽刀断水水更流　举杯消愁愁更愁　明朝清风四飘流

由来只有新人笑　有谁听到旧人哭　爱情两个字　好辛苦
是要问一个明白　还是要装作糊涂　知多知少难知足”

感性时听到这种情歌，完咯！

2010-04-21T20:03:00.004+10:00

searching for my 100% of willpower to do the things i need to do.

in terms of everything.

jianjian jia you!

******************

you're part of my little world too.

if i be good and act cute, would u stay?

hoshii

2010-04-19T00:20:00.002+10:00

saw loads of stars tonight =)

*********

i thank your parents

********

for having you

*******

i thank the stars

********

for protecting you

*********

and i thank god

********

for sending you

*******

cos you're so adorable

********

and so wonderful.

*********

and cos my cup is full

********

just being with you.

*******

so stay happy. everyday.

********

cos the world is much more beautiful

*********

when you happily smile away.

*********

i love how i can see so many stars here when i walk out of the house. so much more different from being in KL =)

worried about throat. get snuggles to chuu it better?

2010-04-18T16:58:00.004+10:00

i brushed my teeth last night right after dinner out of habit but drank more wine after that and forgot to brush my teeth after.

i woke up this morning with my teeth aching T____________T

how? =(

***************

my mood's so crappy now i wanna just yell =(

teeth hurt, the weather's warm, my laptop hums so loudly, and my nap was so bad =(((((((

now getting comfort by hugging Snuggles.

haih. screw these tests, screw stress. i shall pwn your questions steve marty! and you jalal! and joe nicolazzo and john trang and david shacklewhatsit. and you too, phil bergen, you're no longer my favourite! hmph!

i'm gonna go eat my sundae now. hmph!

happy family =3

2010-04-17T23:39:00.008+10:00

Faith and my brother decided to cook dinner today. =D

was great!

although we had to wait till 9pm to eat, all was good =)

my huuuuge lamb shank!

mashed potato with melted cheese + brocolli which Faith is very happily snapping pics of.

(yeah we just ate it from the pot! hahahaha)

i'm so full now. LOL. i feel fat! xD

we finished off the meal with some dessert wine. =) i love how this is so fizzy and sweet. hehe!

it's nice having dinner at home, and a great way to end a high stress week. we had a long chat while having dinner and just relaxed and laughed alot. heheheh i missed that XD meal times in melbourne these days for me has always been just full-on eating and finishing my food asap. it's as if there's a race going on or something XD

i really reckon we should do this more often. hehehe sadly, my housemate, bro and i are 3 very "happening" people. there's always someone missing while the rest are home. even if we're all home we'll be busy just doing our own work.

movie night next saturday, guys? =)

i'll just finish off this post with my bro washing the dishes hehehehe

Thanks so much for preparing and cooking dinner both of you! =)

time for jelly now! woot =)

Elmo is my best friend.

2010-04-17T14:31:00.005+10:00

Think before you speak.

i think that's what a lot of people need to learn. me included.

and i think guys who disrespect women are no different than those who produce songs and music videos that sell because of sexism and exploitation of the female body per se. enough said.

********************************

FIGHTING!

okay even though i want to(or not?), i shall not mention the 3 taboo words which start with an M, an S, and a T during this stressful period for all pharmy(and melb uni) students. cos i've been reading about them in every single one of my friend's blogs its giving me goosebumps and freaking me out to no end =S

but everyone, fight on ok! =)

after 2 years we'll be free! ok, maybe that doesn't sound nice enough, but... let's just look forward to 2 years later? xD

I just came back from the city, where Snugs made a new friend, the Wolf in sheep's clothing...

they're hugging each other during their bonding time. aw =3

that NICI wolfsheep is so cute! peiwen is so lahkee mc so 'sek' her. xD

it's a hot day today~ took some photos on the way home cos i was bored waiting for the bus.

Like almost every other weekend, the Pakenham, Cranbourne and Dandenong line only runs up till Caufield, leaving us all stranded there trying to figure out the fastest way to get home without using the train replacement buses cos they are sloooow xD

does this building look familiar? did it just remind you of the exams and motivate you to wanna study harder? xD then my job here is done xD

i am dead tired now. please give me some love, people. =3=

cleaning up.

2010-04-13T18:20:00.009+10:00

received a mail today that troubled me to no end.... not that my day has been great to start with.

seriously i wonder, why can't life be less complicated? with nothing hiding in the nooks and crannies of things that appear so simple and innocent.

maybe i'm a simple-minded person for liking things simple and sweet. but it seems like everything has implications to something bigger and more sinister.

i know i shouldn't rant too much... but when so many hurdles are thrown at me simultaneously, it makes me think how the hell am i supposed to deal with all these at once?

i'm optimistic about things all the time. i tell people to cheer up, i give people hope and say things will be alright. but i know, optimism alone can't overcome some things if my capabilities are insufficient.

perhaps it's these turbulent periods that make me take a closer look at what life really is about and highlight the things that i should deem precious, seek them and hold onto them. perhaps it's these that teach me to appreciate the simple pleasures in life in the way that i would never have done before.

but why do i have to learn it the hard way?

now, all that's left is to believe that i'm strong enough. that i can go through all this. hoping for a month of peace and less drama. despite showing a brave front, i'm not sure i can take anymore volatile changes in my life.

hey you, Big Problem, won't you pick on someone your own size? I'm too small.....

and where have all the good things in the world gone to anyway? taking a break from my life? vacation time's over~ come back! =(

important!

2010-04-13T01:03:00.002+10:00

みんな　がんばってね！=)

=3 Jian's worrldddd

2010-04-12T18:38:00.003+10:00

My little world only has 3 inhabitants.

1. Snuggles

2. Turbuhaler

3. Me

Snuggles is cute yea? I know =)

and the best thing about him is that he never grows =)

pandan soy milk. =D ohhohohoho i super like!

just finished chatting with sis on the phone hehe~ =)

putting on thinking cap and gotta study noww!!

GO JIAN!

2010-04-11T12:39:00.003+10:00

今早醒来时想起了爸爸。

呵呵，被爸爸疼的感觉超爽 =)

世上只有爸爸好，有爸的孩子像个宝？XD

need fat.

2010-04-11T00:45:00.003+10:00

Got more comments about my skinny frame today =S

people used to say i'm thin. but now they say i'm skinny. sigh. i dont like that the sound of that.

so i've concluded.

i shall...

EAT MORE. and gain weight (at the right places, if i can help it).

seriously. no more skipping breakfasts, or any other meals.

help me, people! if u see me do that, lecture me, chuck me some food or force it down my throat. okay the last one is abit extreme. but you get the drift!

must get my fats back and look healthy!

waaambweengs =3

2010-04-09T08:53:00.006+10:00

was reading kennysia's blog when this topic in the forums shown at the top bit of his posts caught my eye...

Short Talk:

AD: I noticed increasingly that more and more Singaporeans are dating outside their nationalities. It's not just Singaporean girls dating angmohs and Singaporean guys marrying China brides anymore. The past few weddings I attended are all between a Singaporean and a Malaysian.

Why ah? Is it cooler to date a non-Singaporean these days?

Nah, i just think Malaysians(like me!/glory) are too cool. *ducks from bricks* teehee! =P

************************************

the past few weeks have been rather eventful. although if asked what i've done and what have i been spending my time on, i actually don't really know =S

time just flies by. the holidays are almost overr!! T_____T

at this stage, with all the activities lined up for the next few days, i dare say my break is over in terms of having time for myself and what needs to be done.

but i guess i cant run away from that can i ? =(

attended Ann's 21st birthday party awhile back~~

we had lunch at chocolate buddha @ fed square. hehe!

my gang! =)

and this pic! LOLL i didn't know they were posing like that~ camwhore fail nonetheless xDD

more random stuff.... bacteria! from my fingers xD

had my 1st fried ice cream at Rock Kung. is that how u spell it, Ping? =O

was sweeeeet. nice =)

also went to the bar for the 1st time! pretty place. didn't take enough photos tho. they all turned out ugly xD

Met up with M2-ians too! of year 07! hehehehe =)

spot the girl in red, the girl in red- my darling bak kut teh girl Jo!!! /aw

went to visit my favourite cat over the holidays. he's so fat and lazy now.

i remember when he used to be small and cute and always running around. now he's always so solemn and just sits there =3= this is why i wish all cats would only remain as kittens and nevaaa grow up. i mean, what are you going through? mid-life crisis? what do you have to worry about anyway =3= silly kitty.

i also did some drawingg.

and tasted the 1st and the worst chee cheong fun in awhile at coconut house. sigh all the anticipation for nothing. =(

i quote Frank's "soup in oil" comment on the curry. it was bad =S

but the company was good =) thats all that matters i think~

and these are my easter chocolates. hahaha still have all of them since i've been at the brink of falling sick for awhile. eating some of the eggs just gave me a sore throat a few days back.

want some, anyone?

saw this on the table too, this morning. ohohohoho =D

2010-04-09T00:35:00.002+10:00

wah liao 不是搞笑的。

TT_______________TT

quick come online........................

thinking of it makes me 怕怕。

=(

big girls dont cry.

Lessons with Jer.

2010-04-08T14:24:00.009+10:00

想当初勇敢放手去信任别人、爱别人的那种精神我不想忘了。

一年了，或许是我一直太任性… 让你累了，也让你那颗善良的心一次又一次给打碎了… 也变得无奈了。

我打从心里深处听见了自己的心声。

你是值得的。

我还有资格说我要定了你吗？原谅我无知、无奈、愚蠢、幼稚。

祸从口出，是真的。很多次我好想告诉你，不知道自己怎么会一直说太多没意义的费话，无意中伤了你。但还来不及道歉话又被我吞了下去，怕我道歉后你会跟往常一样敷衍的说没事，然后把话题转开。其实我是认真的。

到了最后我只敢在这儿写了这一大堆的东东。这也没意义，因为你不懂得中文。

脑袋团团转。唉哉！

I'm BACK! AHAHAHAH

2010-04-04T19:15:00.003+10:00

i've been deprived of internet connection since the last day of uni and havent been home for more than an hour since then too! until last night. fuuu~

and did i mention how it's sooo retarded how trains NEVAAA run to Huntingdale station whenever there's a long weekend? it's so frustrating nyuuu T___T

but yea... spent some time(and a night) with my aunts since one of them came down from sydney. i watched hurt locker too~ haha

i also met new people, had little chats, and received several comments on rather unexpected things... all of which served as subtle reminders of my coming of age, which subsequently triggered some deeper thinking. guess i wont be sharing that hehe though i'm glad i finally get to do a little defragmentation after so long.

insecurities, uncertainties and being just plain timid... changes always have that effect on people. but i'm more determined this time around. not letting it catch me offguard anymore.

numbing and growing starts now. this story should always have been only about 1 person. i don't know why all along i've been so blind.

forming a new set of priorities.

**************

thinking aloud served me well tonight. i like =) i think i understand you a bit better now.

**************

wish our chats would be without those occasional awkward moments. hehe 会这样是因为我在乎你？good that you won't understand those characters. also good that you don't know i'm talking about you. =)

**************

i need goggles. xD wanna start swimming again soon. ahaha random i know xD

***************

and HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY ZHIWANG! =3

haha this is the only pic of you that i have unfortunately xDD

take good care of yourself and thaaaaanks for everything =) may all your dreams come true =)

想消失。

2010-03-31T00:04:00.008+11:00

知道别人更痛苦，只让哭泣声来得更凄凉，泪水连绵不断。

God, aren't you the Almighty? he trusts in You so. why wouldnt You help him be happy again?Please? =(

莹，加油！

expectations.

2010-03-29T19:59:00.002+11:00

i don't like feeling like i've let people down, but today i've done exactly that...

haven't felt this rotten in ages. =(

wanna say sorry, but dont know where to start, or how to say it... since you dont read my blog anyway...

perhaps its better to just let things go and work my way up again.

at least i've found my motivation now.

going to go kick some ass. jia you!

2010-03-27T15:13:00.001+11:00

T____T this song makes me emo!

it sounds nice tho. thanks meishan ahhahaha

walking down memory lane...

2010-03-27T13:18:00.006+11:00

i was bored and looking through the MC group page on facebook, and started feeling more than a little nostalgic. D=

i remember how going to tuition classes used to be the highlight of my high school years. that's because the tuition centre i went to wasn't like any other typical Malaysian tuition centres that you can find anywhere within 3km radius around you as long as you're in KL. Nor is it focused on earning money per se like every other ones.

maybe because it's learning languages etc, MC integrated learning with loads of elements of fun, and had loads of character building modules in classes as well. i think i found the life lessons we learnt through many insightful documentaries and film extracts very inspirational and educational.

i loved it when we were required to produce writings on opinions or just abstract writings after a movie session or after listening to a song/piece of music. reading everyone's writing at the end of the day makes you feel like listening to the varying voice of the masses on a similar theme. it's like peeking into everyone's minds and thoughts twice every single week. and by the end of 4 years of that, i think everyone has pretty much understood everyone else inside-out based on their writings every week xD

that's what MC does best. connecting people. in fact, i think they do it better than those social networking or dating sites xD it makes things even better how everyone is such fun-seeking individuals. and having that awesome awesome great teacher who brought us together to receive perhaps the best learning experience we've ever had in our lives. it is for me, anyway.

it was also funny how our punishment for wrong answers always involved silly and fun things like dancing and doing ear squats in pairs (ie, you and your partner pulling each other's ears while doing squats at the same time) XD it was embarrassing. but if you're just the audience then it's good fun watching others doing it XD

towards the end of my 4 year stint when the final exams were drawing close, we were literally having classes everyday. sometimes even spending 9 hours a day together in class xD i remember during the end of our last class, sir played that sad sad song on his radio. about parting, moving forward and doing the best in what we do best. work hard, grow well, have fun, live life.

now, 3 years have passed since then... i missed those times a lot at first, but i guess i gradually grew out of it. today i looked back, backtracked a little further than usual, and realised deep down i miss those times more than ever. listening to Wilson and Jen Ric's banter everyweek, jokes about Tofu Butts and Take a "bathe", Kor Woi's crazy antics from time-to-time, being in the same group and working together with my favourite group buddies Zhi Wang, Li Qun, Isaac and Jason. LOL i remember how in a particular more accounting and investing-based class, after fooling around with the figures, my group estimated we needed to work our butts off for 30+ years to break-even with our costs and start making profit. hahaha that was just horrible. see why i'm not in a business course? T___T that didn't stop zhi wang from pursueing a business degree though LOL

those times when we were young, fearless, we felt like we're at the top of the world and can conquer everything...those times when learning was a breeze, when love seemed like trivial things that's not worth all the worries.

sigh. if only i could turn back time. perhaps i would.

but i remember pingza saying that night we were walking home that being too nostalgic and clingy onto the past just stops us from moving forward to go after our dreams and new opportunities. so i will listen to you, and jia you! you should understand that right, ping? =)

i still miss writing essays on whiteboards though XD

jianjian jia you!

A B C D~~ snap!

2010-03-27T02:26:00.002+11:00

If this is A, this is B, and this is C, what is D?

LOL i'm still trying to guess. it's just so puzzling!

and the snap snap snap game! loll i love puzzle games like that. and tonight was just filled with that =)

i especially love how it's possible that there can be a encouraging, positive, laid back, and comfy vibe when interacting with new people sometimes. today is one of those rarer days.

i just crawled out from my shell, shook away all my coyness with strangers, and just mingled and ended my day laughing my ass off.

met many old friends tonight surprisingly... made more new ones, and got closer to some rather new friends too. also spotted one i think i can easily grow so dependant to XD

geerahfaaa~

2010-03-26T00:12:00.010+11:00

yesterday, after what seemed like a long day of lectures, the few of us impulsively decided to head over to a korean cafe called Giraffe at little bourke for a drink/lunch(?).

Giraffe is such a pretty place! seriously. the deco and everything. so pretty and cute =) i'll let the pictures do the talking. too bad i only managed to get a few shots of the place though.

it has a very neat, and relaxed feeling towards it. and i like how everything is white and pretty. love love love!

this is the menu~~~

and us~

spot the 2 pimps~~ =X

and of course where there's bryan, there's always this.....

posing~

and more posing~

hahaha but anyway that's all the pics i've got. all in all, i think this place is worth going just for the ambiance. (but probably just that unfortunately)

the food portions are small for the price we paid =S and i find it very ridiculous how they have this policy about how every single customer has to spend a minimum of $4 in the cafe... sounds abit forced =S Sharon had to get buy something even though she wasn't hungry. I wonder what would they do if she refused though? kick her out? =S so strange.

but yea i'll stop my semi-rants there. was actually hoping that a certain food critic would make a review on it but looks like that's not gonna happen xDD

it's friday! =) jianjian should go to sleep soon hehehe =) nights people!

S =)

2010-03-25T19:58:00.003+11:00

had a looooong day today.

woke up at 6am and had 5 lectures. sigh x____x

had to stand all the way in the train too. not very fun when the train's so packed everyone's bodies are squeezed together in very uncomfortably close proximities.

went to monash just to check out their music room cos i wanted to play the piano. and it was all booked out too. sigh.

at the end of everything when i reached home i just plonked onto my bed and KO-ed for abit.

and right beside me, my little puppy was sleeping soundly like this.

i'm jealous how he gets to sleep in while i slave my ass away in uni. hmph! i wanna be a plushie too!

of buses and nougat =O

2010-03-22T23:25:00.004+11:00

went to the city today to sort out some paperwork.

was waiting at the bus stop in the morning and since it was 6 minutes late, i thought that bus probably wouldnt come anymore. so i got distracted and took some random photos of a plant beside me.....

and while i was busy watching a wasp dig its way into one of the flowers, lo-and-behold, the bus zoomed past me when i wasnt looking! EVIL!

what's with these buses anyway? how come they wouldn't stop unless people flag them down... they're buses right? not taxis =(

so yea, as you can see, i'm not loving the buses alot xD not the ones i take anyway.

Met up with Qi for abit too! hehehehe. more paperwork~

and he got me nougat from the little stall under the melbourne central clock =3

i love this particular one. so yummy!!! =) it's with cranberry and i-dunno-what nuts.

it looks nice too! love the colours =3

unlike some people, i love soft nougat. =) hehehe the hard ones are so hard to chew on, makes me feel like my teeth are gonna fall off XD i like cutting the soft ones into bite sized chunks and slowly chew on it. loveee!

bro says he'll get more tomorrow. hehehehee! =D

the mother figure of the house is not home~~

2010-03-21T23:36:00.004+11:00

my landlady has gone back to singapore for a bit...

felt her absence more than ever when i came home from the city in the late afternoon. the house seemed much more quiet that it should be... and almost at once i missed our mini chatting session which we have every time i come home after work on sundays.

my landlady's too cute XDDD i think i'm missing her already. =o

my landlord's so kesian. he gives us a feeling that he's a little lost and lonely now that my landlady's not around xD

was mulling things over in the hot shower and realised that after living here, i might be very reluctant to move out anytime soon. sure, travelling is a bitch all the time. more like, the unpredictability and inefficiency of public transport's a bitchh. but besides that, i'm loving it here.

i've got a great landlord and landlady who act like our parents, caring for us and everything (minus the naggy part);

i've got my crazy brother here with me who takes care of me well;

i've got an awesome housemate who's always so fun to hang out with;

the house is always so neat and tidy and sparkly clean i looove it!;

my room's decent-sized too, and most importantly if filled with MY things and my things only;

and i've got a queen-sized bed! woooot!

hmm actually i dont really know the whole point of this post. just clearing my cupboard xD and i dont know how to end this without making it sound... awkward and weird. but oh well.

************************

dunno why the dark rings around my eyes are worse than during my exam period. x__x

************************

S is facing insecurity issues. me too, baby. =(

might give him a shower tomorrow. bringing him to restaurants isn't really a good idea i think T___T

************************

going to bed sooooooon. goodnight people =)

2010-03-20T11:03:00.002+11:00

i dont understand.

why, even if i go to bed with a smile on my face and a happy heart, the moment i'm even remotely awake for a little, the overwhelming feeling of loss just hits me. worthlessness, shame, guilt, pain. some things, i'd really rather not experience 1st thing in the morning.

and when it happens everyday, waking up becomes a chore, it becomes a dread. waking up into a reality the inner self is fighting wholeheartedly against... feels like everything in the world is wrong and the world has turned its back on you. it makes the dreams at night become the only refuge and salvation one can seek solace from. when youre dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part.

some problems i can live with, some problems i cant. and after a few months of what seemed like living with problems i can live with, things probably just nosedived for the worst and switched to the latter category. it's strange how things can just get worse n worse when you already think it's already the worst. hoping to set my heart right. and my sleeping patterns too.

sigh.

if you act like you dont care about someone for a long period of time, even if you truly do at 1st, in the end wont you just totally stop caring for that person?

jia you..?

While my guitar gently weeps.

2010-03-20T03:37:00.005+11:00

it's 3.39am in the morning. and i'm on sugar high. HEEE.

also feeling tired at the same time. is that possible? hahaha

had a massive 3 hour sugar party with Faith and my brother =)

krispy kremes and cupcakes overload. had peach tea too! mmm~ totally love the smell =)

also watched Across the Universe while eating hehe~ was an interesting movie. although the flow of scene transitions aren't that smooth, the movie is so colourful and artsy~ and Bono's in it! woooo~ that just increased the awesome factor by 10fold LOL. oh and did i mention the songs are nice too? =)

ahh 4.03 now loll better head to bed.

feeling very relaxed. and loved. =)

the only thing that can make this better is if....

i really should learn to be content with what i have. haha xDDDD

nites everyone. =)

candy LOVE!

2010-03-17T19:23:00.007+11:00

The oil in a can of tuna = omega 3 oil? LMAO!

pingza seen here trying to drain every drop of oil out of the canned tuna in the sandwich. cos (i think he said) it's unhealthy. or something like that

that was until Jason commented that it's omega 3 oils. we all LOLed.

Sharon was sitting beside me in the cafeteria just now~ =) this pic looks cute =3

and Jason~! i asked him to smile, but..... oh well~

came back from the city @ 7 feeling tired, but was greeted by my housemate's group of cell group friends who were visiting =) lol i just went hiii~~ *waves hand with window-wiping motion* and they commented that people usually are tired at this time of the day, but i seem very cheerful. i replied i actually am tired xD i wonder if my cheerfulness just switches on automatically when i see some people sometimes. xD

and i was given CANDY! =)

heart feels warm and fuzzeee =3 he said i can go out for more if i want =3 hehee i think i'm being lured by candy =3

update: it's actually.... very nice. LOL. happiness doubled now =)

**********************************************

in a diff note, check out my new slippers i wear at home~~~

very reluctant to go out now since i get to wear awesome footwear at home /aw it's as soft as ~~baby's ass~~ the softest soft toy you can find /aw

**********************************************

i think i've found my way home.

fighting!

needles.

2010-03-16T21:37:00.005+11:00

With my placement dates drawing close(r), I was required to gain immunisation for a list of diseases. But 1st, the blood test~ had a few vials of blood taken out last Friday....

it actually hurts much more than usual! T______T good thing i have a clearly visible "good" blue vein. at least he didnt need to pull the needle out and say he's poked the wrong place and re-poke again T__T

so i thought it was all done then. lalalalala~

but the pathology lab guy phoned today and requested my presence in the medical center again tomorrow. apparently he needed more blaaad samples.

i hope someone else is drawing blood from me this time... and i hope it hurts less =(

have a feeling soon i'll be afraid of needles.

****************************

sigh.

****************************

Thank you, for the quiet concern

and for protecting my silver lining. again.

dark clouds are still looming ahead, but i will learn as i go along.

if i fall again, i promise i'll tell you everything. next time.

2010-03-15T14:34:00.002+11:00

i would like to suggest that my blog guest Ong Ken Ming stop stalking my blog and proceed to do some productive work in his office instead. hello~~ people employ you to work k, bro XD

i just saw you come to my blog againnnn omg lolll go work, you XD

cheese!

2010-03-15T14:08:00.004+11:00

had a crazy weekend previously xDD and now everything's going back to the same old routine again.

been wanting to post a long picture post for a long time, and my photo collection is getting bigger by the day, but i guess i'll leave it till another time. my 3 broadband dongle is giving me problems again. sighh =(

but anyway, here's a teaser photo =P

i know everyone hasnt seen my face up here for awhile =P so jian says cheeeese~

camwhore fail. thanks to the best friend LOL

till then, adios =)

i'm not human.

2010-03-15T10:59:00.003+11:00

i see people find love, find themselves up in cloud nine, then fall, fall, fall....

love never was meant to be found. it is momentary. it comes, it stays while it lasts, then it drifts away. it is the pot of leprechaun gold that disappears when you look away. human emotions are never long lasting. change is the only constant.

makes me wonder.

=(

2010-03-10T22:47:00.010+11:00

i'm not an assassin.

you're not one too.

so why did you

pick my heart to kill?

had a roller coaster day today...

my mood just went up and down and up and down again...all in less than 12 hours.

at one point, while i was crossing the road this late afternoon, it was strange, but i wished i got run down by a car. would you have cared then? would you have turned that back you had facing me all this while and call my name again? or even look me in the eye? but the scene in my head just had you walking away, further and further. down the street we used to walk along hand-in-hand...the street full of steel and granite reminders.

i'm not known for having the most patience, but i used to be able to say my patience is limitless when it comes to certain people. but now, more than ever, i feel my patience being tested.

i'm wary.

i just wished i was loved.

am tired...

so tired i dont feel my age.

so tired i feel like a piece of overstretched bubblegum.

2010-03-10T00:19:00.002+11:00

I just came home from the Universe dinner just now. =3 had fun.

thanks sooo much david! for sending me home.. and yea.. sorry =( for you-know-what.

Prior to that, bryan and i went with frank to pick up his FF13 xD watched frank played abit too. AWESOME graphics really =O omgggg erm... makes me wanna play it too abit =S

10am class tomorrow! and tutorial too! it's gonna be a long day hehe, heading to bed now friends! goodnight~ =)

2010-03-09T00:07:00.003+11:00

就算你曾经在我心里得过一百分…

渐渐的我已经开始觉得我最不喜欢的人也有可能是你。

气呆了

2010-03-05T21:07:00.005+11:00

近来往往会觉得身边的人很不公平，也有一点自私。

你可以生气，可以赌气。不开心时可以对我不理不睬，而我呢？

为什么你令我生气的时候，你就气我生你的气？这样的给我眼色看，就算我之前气到头上冒烟我也会很快就心软，跟你道歉。

可是你又有没有问过自己为什么我会生气？

难道你会生气，我不会吗？难道你有自尊，我没有吗？

惜我，是口上说说而已吗？疼我，是把我的头摸摸两下就算了吗？

就因为是好友… 互相伤害那么多次了我还是很疼你，但是今天就让我发泄一点吧。

因为我真的被你伤透了。

See, Frank...

2010-03-02T23:22:00.004+11:00

nicer pic, no?

taken with my new samsung phone =3

which box my baby can be seen sniffing now =3

bryan, frank and i went to koko black after class today. hehehe looks good yea? =)

and i came home today to find this~ =) with a little message written at the back /aw love love love!

hehehee thats my pic post for today. abit hard to blog cos i'm on the phone at the same time. hehe i'll just update more things later hehehe /malu till then, take care guys! =)

幸福恐惧症

2010-03-02T21:12:00.005+11:00

刚刚读了小赖的日誌, 最新的文章刚好说出了我心中的坎坷…

“因為曾經深刻體會過『得到總是伴隨著失去』這件事，
使我總在看見遠方的幸福時突然變的膽小、變的怯懦；總在伸手可以碰觸幸福時感到不安、感到惶恐。

『因為害怕失去更多，所以不敢再得到更多。』

我始終不是一個樂觀的人，儘管我努力的掛著笑容。
我始終不是一個勇敢的人，儘管我拼命的燃燒熱情。
儘管如此，我依然恐懼著幸福。

每當我受到別人的照顧、賞識時，總會害怕自己會辜負別人的期待。
每當我得到了許多合作邀約時，總會害怕自己無暇兼顧、害怕自己失去了自由、遺忘了初衷。
每當我交到了新朋友時，總會害怕自己太主動會不會令人退卻、令人厭煩。
每當我抱著我們家四隻寶貝喵咪時，總會害怕有一天會沒辦法再這樣幸福的擁抱牠們。

我總在新文章被誇獎寫的很好時，就開始擔心下一篇文章會不會寫的很糟。
我總在有人說欣賞我的時候，就開始擔心對方欣賞的是不是真正的我。
我總在溫馨的朋友聚會中由衷的感覺快樂時，就開始擔心散場後的落寞。
我總在小賴這個名字被越來越多人知道時，擔心是不是也同時被越來越多人討厭。

我總在即將衝鋒陷陣前，舉手投降。
我總在站上人生的大舞台前，臨陣退縮。

我好害怕越是幸福，失去幸福時也就跌的越痛。

我想，我得了『幸福恐懼症』。

因為害怕改變現在的一切，所以拒絕了所有未來的機會。
放棄了一切的冒險、逃避了所有的挑戰，我躲回了自己小小的蟹殼裡，不敢再遙望大海彼端的夕陽。

『或許這樣也好，或許這樣就夠了。』

我以為這是一種知足。
我以為我只是驕矜勿喜、只是未雨綢繆。
我以為緊握著自己所珍惜的事物不放，這就是幸福。
然而，我只是不斷的遠離人群、逃避期待，幸福從我的指間不斷流逝。”

我的情况并没有赖赖那么严重，但如果说自己不是这样，那是骗人的。表面上一直努力的笑着，加油着，可是心里很怕，很怕。这也得怪自己超级讨厌预测不到的东西才会这样。

哎，心烦啊！

$__$ kaching!

2010-02-26T23:18:00.006+11:00

went to the Melbourne Uni O-week today! =) hehehe saw many many booths =3 also met up with Pingza and hung around the Universe stall till they close. they were giving away free iced coffee! woot! hehehe and i think i learnt a little more about Christianity hahaha and i went home 9 packets of indomie richer! + a packet of Wiggles apple juice! =) did i mention i was a fan of the wiggles? =)

Also met Quizzie on the tram today! Quizzie's got a very cool selection of music on his blog which i check out once in awhile. they're very pleasing to the ears. =) the blog posts are entertaining too~ do check it out~

In a totally unrelated note, my aunt from Sydney mailed me a list of things she'll be sending over to Melbourne. and guess what caught my eye =O

*JY = Jian Yin; KM = Ken Ming (my bro); barbara = dinosaur.

MOAR MONIES!!! WOOOOOT~~~~

heeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Faith.

2010-02-25T00:11:00.002+11:00

Meet my housemate~ =)

(and yes, that's my brother there LOL)

my housemate's so cute and nice =3 i don't know why i was feeling so antisocial and shy yesterday, hehehe but it's all gone now! teehee =3

another shoutout to my dear friend Frank! SANKYUU! for all the patience, and for listening to my complaints about people all the time and bother responding to them and try to make me feel betaaa =) he even listens to my problems and advices me on things. /aw thank u sooo muchie! =) and sorry for disturbing u just now =x heee but thanks anyway =3

rant post ahead... only half actually haha

2010-02-24T18:38:00.006+11:00

I HAAAATE how some people (especially some malaysians) are late ALL THE TIME, and freaking hell doesnt even sms or call to let others know. i can get used to people who're late all the time, but i find it extremely annoying how they never inform others when they know they will be/already are late. it's even worse when they don't respond when you try to reach them by messaging or calling them. Another thing that ticks me off is that many lie and say they're only a few blocks away when they're in actual fact 50 minutes away from the rendezvous point.

sigh. i ditched someone today because i got so pissed, and i'm not sorry. i dunno why i even bothered in the 1st place.

met up with other people instead and actually had a great time even though it wasn't pre-planned.

5 more days to enjoy.(minus sunday, actually).

play play play =)

Dear Elusive Bliss,

2010-02-23T23:17:00.008+11:00

I grasped you momentarily today.

and I can't stop smiling =) my appetite is back, I suspect that it might be your doing too. =) you even made the world seem like a better place.

I'm now going to bed. and i think i'll hold the feeling of my encounter with you in my mind while I wait for the sandman's nightly visit.

So please stay with me... and don't burst my bubble by slipping away again?

I promise to be good.

lots of love,

Jian.

2010-02-21T23:35:00.008+11:00

Why don't people see it?
我需要的只是诚实的一句“我不得空”。
WHY don't you understand?
有那么难吗？
Everything boils down to 1 word: Change.
笑着笑着，谁都看不出背后藏着多少绝望，辛酸。
the Friend, and the Foe.
笑累了。

To you!

2010-02-20T18:00:00.004+11:00

I can't put my finger on things...

all i know is that today has been one of the most happy and emotionally satisfying day i've ever had for a long while =)

define being best friends. occasionally i think the myriad of quality and kinds of love we feel cant be classified or categorised.

so perhaps some questions have no answers. maybe it's best left that way =) 8 years and still going strong. best not to analyse things so much and just say "you're my awesome lifelong friend! =)" haha 好き!

Thank you! for the most enjoyable few days. =) I know of your paranoia about uploading your photos online. so i shall be good. xD

"Just knowing you are in this world can warm my heart." This phrase from amogos para siempre captures my exact feeling right now.

Rock on wherever you may be~ =)

candy heee~ =3

2010-02-18T19:06:00.004+11:00

been going out alot these days. and have grown to love starbucks' greentea latte alot! =O perhaps more than the greentea frappe now xDD

headed over to lygon earlier this week and went into one of those little candy stores jam-packed with different kinds of candy.

sighh i've always dreamed of owning something like that when i was a kid. xD

man they even have some 18sx candy LOL

amusingg~~ hahahaha it's right at the highest shelf and i had to ask my taller companion to take a picture of it cos i was too short xDD i guess placing it up there is a good idea... definitely wouldnt want kids near things like that eh? =O

I went back to work today, and a new product was ordered into the pharmacy...

hehee~ i think i need that xDD but it's a homeopathic product.......... i can already imagine roger federer and louis roller condemning it.

2010-02-17T12:44:00.005+11:00

Haven't felt this bad since i had my appendicitis. (thank god that's no longer a problem.)

continuous burping (for some reason), stomach hurt like hell. couldn't sleep. crazy fever. feeling dizzy, nauseous, and so cold. =( hugged my teddy the whole night for the 1st time in almost 2 months.

at 4am i was still awake, and i got so desperate i took tramadol. i just wanted to stop the pain and salvage what little sleep time i had left cos i needed to wake up at 6 for work..

but heck, 2 hours of sleep... who was i kidding?

ended up feeling like a zombie in the morning, so i called in sick and cancelled work. boss didn't sound too happy, but there's nothing i can do. i didnt choose to fall sick... i wanted to earn more money too zzz

i wish the birds outside my window would stop being so chirpy in the mornings. it disrupts my sleep. oh shit now my neighbour's drilling something. GAH!

brb i'm gonna go throw up again.

kind soul is LABU!

2010-02-16T19:26:00.004+11:00

i can't seem to understand how 3 hours of lectures can go past in a flash, but 3 hours of work feels so long o___o

and it's not as if i dislike my workplace or anything. i have fun at work. but why~~ xD

probably cos i stand on my feet all the time. tomorrow i'm gonna be standing for 9 and a half hours. just like 罚站. zomg xD i dont feel it when i'm there, but when i walk out from work i always think "ahh i want feet massage."

dead tired. but dead happy too. xDD is there such a way of saying things?

Up in the Air

2010-02-15T23:02:00.010+11:00

watched Up in the Air this afternoon and loved it! George Clooney's so good in it!(and charming too! *love!*) so's the female lead. it's funny, unpredictable, brutally honest and real, leaving me feeling more than a little empty and sad in the end. but i enjoyed it xD definitely a winner. would love to watch it a second time.

particularly love how george clooney packs his luggage xD

the next movie i want to watch is The Men Who Stare At Goats. XDDD looks interesting... Jedi warriors! xDD

"Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks. "

Fresh Start

2010-02-15T10:45:00.002+11:00

came into my rss feed this morning right when i needed it. i'm gonna go out today and enjoy myself. and nobody/nothing is gonna stop me. i'm gonna have to stop myself from stopping myself from staying out for too long also XD i'm excited! xD and leaving now. ciao people~ =)

Wonderwall - Oasis

2010-02-15T00:36:00.005+11:00

I have the tendency of listening to old(er) music during late nights xD it also requires me to plug my earphones into the laptop... no good waking people up. and i get better sound quality too! =)

this song is so old school. brings back memories~

loll hope my bandwidth doesnt die this month xD

cny waaalk =3

2010-02-14T21:53:00.005+11:00

went to south bank for a walk just now before going to the temple. heheheh saw some pretty cute things and i was just trying to waste my phone battery by taking lots of pictures.

birds~

statue =o

bears in kimonos~ so pweety =3

button hairpins =3

some globe-like thingy suspended from above =3

loves! =D

came across a shop that sells really cute baby clothes too! =O so cute !! xDDD

especially the i love boobies one hahahaha =X

the Wii Wii one is super cute too~~ /aw!

went to Red Emperor after that for lunch, which is by far the best yum cha place i've been to in melbourne. =3 nice place, good food, great service.

was too busy eating after that so didnt take pics of the food hahahah but it's nice =3

there were quite a number of caucasians eating there as well, and my brother and i were amusing ourselves by eavesdropping when they ordered the drinks. hehe instead of the conventional chinese tea, the couple beside us had dim sum with coca-cola, the other table of ang mohs had beer. hehehe bro and i couldn't stop giggling XDD nah no offense, i just think that it's funny. don't shoot me xD

and then i saw this ring.

check out that humongous pearl on it! =O i asked someone who the heck would wear something like that, and got a reply that says i'll be given one for my birthday. handmade, from polished gravel and a can drink ring. talk about being creative. xD

took more photos with bro's camera... probably will upload it some other time =p

in a totally different note, i've got more wall decos added~!

hehe was bored yesterday and now my wall looks like a kid's bulletin board or something, hehehe but i like colours =3

still waiting for something interesting to happen. xD

happy v-day!

2010-02-14T19:25:00.004+11:00

from To Do: for Valentines Day.

hee not the most apt advice for every situation... but yea, that's the general idea probably. =)

i like some of the ideas in the blog, hehehe pretty cool /malu.

100214

2010-02-13T11:57:00.007+11:00

To everyone out there, it's a day early but might as well do it now eh, wishing you all a happy chinese/vietnamese new year if you celebrate it. =)

have fun and have a great time with your family and friends. may the year of the tiger bring many more new promises, experiences, good health, luck and of course joy and love! =)

To all the lovers out there, happy v-day too!

too bad it falls on chinese new year tho, or else i really wouldnt mind gathering some people and trying to make giri and/or honmei chocos xD brings back memories of the chocolate-making days during the S3 times in college. making food with other people is always fun =3

To my dear friend Lewis, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY! =DDD (for tomorrow heee)

hehehe may you stay happy always and grow into a stronger person so you can achieve you full potential and gain the things you truly deserve. i'll work hard with you, so let's work hard together =) stay happy always!

domo-kun =3

2010-02-10T23:10:00.008+11:00

stole this from alice's blog.

love~ =3

went to play badminton today. sweated like a pig for 2 hours xD really can't play for peanuts now =S hehehe i think everyone played well!=) and pingza's stamina is so good! =o kakkoii na, ping!

Fred~

Lewis~

Jason~

Sum-yee~

and Pingza~

(alice and minh's pics not taken cos they already left us after the game)

went to maccas for lunch after that and everyone came back to my place to play cards and chat. hehehe. classical music+big 2... quite a pleasant combo XD

note: all pics taken by my phone camera. not too bad quality eh? =)

edit: thanks pingza!! xD too kyute! and the cellotape-less origami wrapper too! hahaha i shall try it out some time!

and thanks to you too sumyee!! for the bread hehehe =3 cant take pics of it since they're all in our tummies already. but thanks all the same =)

i'm my own.

2010-02-09T15:08:00.005+11:00

feeling a little out of it today.

might be the lack of sleep, might be something more. i'm not too sure.

but one thing's for sure, my mind's more doubtful about things than ever. but at the same time some things seem clearer now.

hehehe it might be a step towards what's best. i'm sure everything has to start somewhere right? =3

i'm happy to know that everytime i go against what's wrong, although i keep failing, i still get one step closer to getting free. gambarimashita ne ;)

hush hush hush

2010-02-08T12:28:00.003+11:00

i don't understand why it seems to be so hard to run away from my aunt?!?!

even after i've moved out i'm still expected to go down to the city and meet up with her everyday (even after i'm flat out from work!) to help her carry bags while she goes grocery shopping. gimme a break T_T

i'm still hooked on "hush hush hush here comes the boogeyman".xD Remember playing "Alice is dead" in the dark during a quiet night with that song in the background. brrr. sinister hahahah but as a standalone, this song is pretty soothing =3 the lyrics are so cute =D

woke up at 9.30 this morning. hahaha early for once and my landlady asked if i had enough sleep XD (i know, 9.30 is not early at all, but jian usually wakes up very very late these days T.T)

baked a cake with my landlady! hehee =) chocolate! and later showered for my favourite puppy heee~ waiting for him to dry now. and waiting for my favourite companion to come on. after saying hi i'll head to monash again wooo~ =33 did i mention that i use monash internet connection free too?? hahahahah finally able to use all of my $29k worth of fees to the max!

my plan for today = relax! =)

drinking night.

2010-02-06T21:52:00.005+11:00

1st time trying this vodka. 40%, tastes like water. but i guess thats why ppl can get real drunk on it without realising it maybe? =o

drink, drunk, laugh, headache, puke, sleep, wake up, forget. hehehe

no, i dont live that kind of a lifestyle.

mine's more like drink, laugh, sleep, wake up, forget. heee!

minus all the lousy bits. good enough. =)

this lazy pig's working tomorrow D:

bad apple

2010-02-04T16:41:00.004+11:00

awesome papercraft =o

2010-02-04T12:31:00.008+11:00

so pretty =O

it's no secret that i adore hatsune miku hehe =3 didn't really come around to playing with the vocaloid program, but still wish i own the kagami miku cosplay figma T_T bro has it though, and there's no point having 2 of the same things in the house. oh well, i guess my Kona-chan is cute too =3

impressive yah? =O

more paper goodness here at Danny Choo's site. and yes, thats my only source of otaku news now since i've phased out from the anime scene. hehe it's pretty interesting and a good read ~~if you ignore those dolphin care products that pops up every so often =O.~~

2010-02-02T21:29:00.006+11:00

the sadness in the split screen is not shared.

it's not real.

it's an illusion created by the heart that yearns.

teddy flaai!

2010-01-31T22:44:00.003+11:00

crazy drawing again xD

and yes! i've moved! hehehehehehehehhehehe yes, i'm super happy HEEE ^________^

2010-01-30T10:08:00.003+11:00

confusionnn! =OO

hahaha but overall well-being... still ok i guess heeeheeee =)

going grocery shopping later. ugh. last one with aunt before moving heee! moving in the evening/night. and working next day. so no time to unpack?! noo T____T

hope i dont get lost the next day when i go to work hahaha my sense of direction sucks.

为自己而活。gambarimashita =)

ladeedoidall

2010-01-28T23:35:00.005+11:00

was searching for music scores online and stumbled upon a page that has this accompanying the pdf file.

How to...

Download the music

IE: Right-click the links, select "Save Target As..."
Firefox: Right-click the links, select "Save Link As..."
Other browsers: If you know how to not use IE, you should know this.

LMAO.

and i'm somehow reminded of how my aunt genuinely thinks IE is the best browser ever. ::rolleye::

Watching Nine tomorrow night! can't wait =)

Z

2010-01-28T12:39:00.007+11:00

had a long talk yesterday, and came to a conclusion that nothing else is more important than living the present and enjoying it to the fullest. the present is the only thing that matters... as the past cannot be changed, and the future remains unseen.

hahaa yes i do, in one way or another, see myself as a hedonist most of the time. but i guess sometimes i am pretty hard on myself too, especially about specific matters that i thought i'd be able to do better, or that if i'm a better person, things would have a better outcome. but hey, who knows what would have happened, perhaps alot of things right now are blessings in disguise. lol but perhaps that's the only thing i can say to make myself feel better.

but either way, i guess it doesnt matter now. i'll be patient. i'll do what i want to do, learn new things, go to new places, enjoy every moment, make new friends, stop confining myself to my little comfort zone bubble, stop being bogged down by things or people who don't matter, and just live life.

and the new life starts on saturday! =)

sigh, do you know how much i miss you meishan. =( youre not even online T___T

posers _

2010-01-24T17:49:00.010+11:00

disclaimer: the contents in this post may be deemed offensive to some people, but urm, i suppose i can have my say in my own blog right? hehehe. probably more apt to say they're written in point of view of the non-lala community of malaysia.

i have no idea what to make of male posers.

girls who pose alot are... fine. hehe i can almost hear jason's voice at the back of my head saying "heh. unfair double standards." but that's just cos it's common and they're everywhere till even if they're not fine, you'll just get desensitised and get used to it. but reading blogs with guys posing in pics of (almost) every posts makes me go ew. especially those peace signs which reeks of lala-ness. oh man x__x

hmm, i'm curious as to what the general community think of guys who try to act cute.

oh man T_T lol i guess i can only stand/like poser guys with minimal (or better still, negative) lala quality.

ooh actually i can already think of 2 just off my head. *koff*Verny*koff*Braayearn*koff*

teehee!

*** *** *** *** *** ***

some weird guy came into the pharmacy with only 1 shoe today. he was holding the other shoe in his hand. his toenails looked rotten and the skin of his toes were peeling. and the malodorous stench from his exposed foot made the whole pharmacy stink T_T

my boss later told me he's a madman who comes every now and then to try out the testers. i have to admit, my workplace has so many dodgy people =S

*** *** *** *** *** ***

one more day before dooms day.

and dooms day lasts 5 days! zomg. gonna be the longest 5 days of my life.

after this week, i'm free! wheeee~ all that stands in the way now is that 5 days. hope i'll be able to escape unscathed.

pray for me people.

love,

Jian~

sundae cravingg =3

2010-01-22T21:52:00.010+11:00

it's moving day tomorrow! =)

that means lots of work to do, but that's not stopping me from getting abit excited hehehe!

cleaned the whole house today too! busy till the evening, then it's relax time! weee~!

drew some random faces~

cute kitty!

which reminds me, i wont be seeing my neighbour's cat anymore after i move =O hehe i got a little attached to my neighbour's cat who occasionally pops into my back garden to hang out. mmm i want a cat of my own! T__T patience jian!

and i just started reading the 5th elephant again for the 3rd time xD

wanna read Soul Music! but no monies to buy =3 looks like i gotta settle for the ebook instead.

and i'm still missing everyone in this pic below =o

2010-01-21T19:00:00.010+11:00

it's my words against yours.

my thoughts. your ponders.

and one wonders

what's the perfect solution for our clashes?

then comes the silence,

which disrupts what's left of our balance

and that's bye-bye to communication,

extinguishing any possibility of comprehension.

perhaps being chatty and happy

would be defying gravity.

perhaps i was foolish as can be,

for dreaming of an entity of you and me.

dreaming.

2010-01-18T23:49:00.013+11:00

Pile of clean laundry, a pile as tall as me. xD

pastel yellow, light pink, baby blue. and the little bees.

who needs coherent sentences?

in this quiet night, just me and my silent little companion.

and the distinctive timbre of that familiar voice resonating in the still night air...

"I wanna fall, fall asleep

asleep in the arms, arms of a woman

a woman who doesn't, doesn't deserve my love.

I wanna lie, lie to myself

myself and someone else

just to feel something, something that hurts me

the hurt makes me feel alive."

and no i'm not emo.

just. taking it slow.

wish i could learn to play the guitar fast and well.

then i can play some good music,

and say cool things like "hand me the guitar and i'll give you the blues."

lol wonder how many years am i gonna take before i can do that. 5?

feeling the need to frolic at 1am.

2010-01-18T00:59:00.003+11:00

omg how gay is that x___x

i personally never liked naruto xD and i can name a legion of people who're of the same opinion xD

it's 1am, i'm not sleepy, but i'm sooo bored. hahaha talk to me, would you?

little things, big lessons

2010-01-17T17:16:00.006+11:00

munching on a bowl of fresh mushrooms with heaps of ranch salad dressing.
i love =)

looking at the bear. and the dog.

each telling a story of its own. both similar, but at the same time different in their own way.

with the bear, i see mistakes, faults and flaws.

with the dog, i see selflessness, care, and most importantly growth and development.

and with both i see losses and gains. but i guess that's just how life is. you lose some along the way, and gain some... always have to thank the wrongs. hehehe.

and then i see the pig. i see the sacrifices of others. the kindness, the genuine concern, the overwhelming love throughout the years.

thanking the bear for teaching me to seek, and not just to receive blindly.

thanking the dog for teaching me to once again seek, be patient, love and persevere.

thanking the piggy... for just being the pig. that's a job well done =)

that said, i want a personalised teddy bear! i remember once there was a shop that actually lets you make your own bear in the bear shop. (ie pick your bear's fur colour/eyes/nose/face/beanie bum/wool belly/soft tummy etc etc) which shop is that again? i want TAT

elmo+JM lololol

2010-01-16T17:26:00.004+11:00

sooo cuuutee~~ AW*AW*AW*AW*AW*AW*AW

Rocky Road to Dublin

2010-01-15T23:45:00.003+11:00

Heard this slip jig in the new Sherlock Holmes movie. hehehehe love it =3 too bad it isn't in the soundtrack tho.

War of my life

2010-01-15T14:36:00.004+11:00

Come out Angels
Come out Ghosts
Come out Darkness
Bring everyone you know

I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting and well prepared

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of Time and there's no where to run

I've got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I got to know right now
Which walls to smash

I got a pocket
Got no pills
If fear hasn't killed me yet
Then nothing will

All the suffering
And all the pain
Never left a name

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run

No more suffering
No more pain
Never again

I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight till it's done
So fight on, fight on everyone, so fight on
Got no choice but to fight till it's done

suki

2010-01-14T23:16:00.003+11:00

S: boohoo!

U: ..... ? i brought this cake for you, eat this and dont cry anymore.this cake is pretty good!!

S: *touched* BOOHOO!

kawaiiii!!! omg i like i like i like. who cares if they're 2 boys. XDDDD

love!

2010-01-14T17:42:00.005+11:00

"nah, dont be silly. it would be easier. that's all i would say."

在网上和老朋友聊天，很paiseh 也很抱歉因为之前答应好要帮他的事却办不到。他知道我很内疚，一直说没关系，一直逗我开心。我忘了他一直以来都是那么的大方的。想当年常常都是他驾车送我回家，是个大好人。我觉得现在虽然两年没见面了但是他还是对我很好，也很有默契感！=) 人生中能遇到多少个这样的朋友呢？

想念老朋友们… 想念被大家疼的滋味。

想回家。

Pizza!

2010-01-14T02:08:00.006+11:00

Here's our pizza. full of mushrooms, chicken pieces, bacon, capsicum, sun dried tomatoes, salami, cheese and love!

3 of that + an xbox = 6 happy people.

had loads of fun =)

i'm sooo glad i met up with everyone today. hahaha finally have some light and colour shed into my dull holiday life. hehehe. thank you! and i love you all =D

ciao =)

onigiri lunchiee!

2010-01-12T14:01:00.010+11:00

made onigiri with loads of pickles for lunch today! hehe =33

am bad at measurements and had the seaweed cut too short. wasnt long enough to even wrap half of my rice ball??

hehehe see, it became like cupcake now... or shaped like those little kuihs they serve at yumcha places hehe =3

tadaaa~ =D 3 balls in half an hour. each bigger than the last =p

the reason why i'd rather people prepare food for me most of the time is cos i'd usually lose my appetite along the way when making food XDD that probably comes from concentrating too hard when cooking/making food because i'm not very good at it ^_^;; hehe and subsequently losing my hunger.

and today was no exception. ended up playing with food after that XD

in the end i only succeeded in stomaching 2 of the smaller ones. too full x___x leaving the darth vader-inspired riceball for dinner hehehe looks like i'm not that big of a 饭桶 after all XD

hot!!

2010-01-10T12:23:00.004+11:00

heheheh frozen yoghurt is my new bestie.

yupyup~ they're delicious, and they're uber freezing cold, which is an ideal body cooler during hot days like these. check out the one i just had! strawberry flavour! =)

and it is, for some reason, named ....

strawberry frank? *sniggers*

jk jk =)

wheee~!

2010-01-10T00:22:00.003+11:00

havent been doing much lately. hehehe~ hence nothing interesting to blog about much... besides the fact that my bro got a lumix and i got to fool around with it abit XD

been clearing my room out abit~ taking out all my clothes and packing them for the move...

and chatting online!

heheh laptop got blocked by the chair =o my brother had to take a pic of my messy room x__x it's not like that usually. really.... ask jason. =S

and i went to clayton! =)

*yea i know... streetsign* =S

and my driver for the month xDD

big strawberry and small strawberry. =3 guess which is mine?

took a ride down town and saw some really cool cars too =O

hehehe that's it for today. time to head to bed. working tomorrow. hehehe ciaoz ;)

2010-01-08T00:49:00.002+11:00

感觉上超难过…心结怎么那么难打开=(

我只求心清，让我能够每晚睡好觉，不要又梦到什么有的没的。

如果早上醒来时能开开心心，那该多好啊。

rum+raisin =3

2010-01-07T15:59:00.002+11:00

i know i've been abit emo these days.

sorry if what i said got some people down too.

just want to say thanks for being there.

Something cool.

2010-01-07T12:28:00.001+11:00

I was asked to update my blog with something cool.

so here you go.

The end.

gotcha ;)

Battle Studies-ing

2010-01-05T17:45:00.005+11:00

Wooo~

half of my heart. i'm kinda glad the album version wasn't spoilt by taylor swift cos i can hardly hear her voice. loll please dont shoot me taylor fans.

i personally love taylor swift's videos and i think she looks very pretty in them. very dreamy, and elfish (in a good way). but i reckon john's music are more of my cup of tea. *shy*

ok i shall stop being mean hehe. but as always, the live version's soo much better. all hail john mayer! =D

i hate waking up feeling like crap =(

2010-01-05T11:14:00.004+11:00

disclaimer: this post is pure ramblings so if you want to read something substantial, just ignore thisss.

dont know what's wrong with me these days =( every morning i'd wake up super early but with a heavy heart like everything is wrong in the world =( i usually just sleep it off and it's good cos it lasts for only a few minutes, but that few minutes would be so uncomfortable, and would feel so long. T_T actually i'm not sure why i'm yabbering about this here but i guess i just wanna whine abit about it. ahahahah. my sleeping patterns has gone so haywired, it sucks. takes me 1.5 hours to get out of bed from when my alarm clock starts ringing. its like when i wake up i feel crappy, so i continue sleeping again, and then i wake up again, same thing, sleep, till that weird feeling goes away. i hate disturbed sleep T______T usually if other people wake me up halfway through my sleep, i'd go back to sleep soon enough, that's not a problem. but if the problem is myself.... ahhh T________T not to mention i keep getting weird dreams T_______T last night i dreamt i live imprisoned in the dungeons with yucky murky water everywhere, the night before i dreamt being in a wedding dress and marrying someone i didnt want to, the night before that night i dreamt i broke my leg when i played badminton. (yea i know it sounds ridiculous) ahhhh T_____T i wanna explode. this is shiiiit. gimme my sweet dreams and beauty sleep back!! T____T

new year resolutions

2010-01-04T19:29:00.006+11:00

1. using money more wisely. try not to overindulge in food. spend less on food. and chocolates. and candy.

2. take proper breakfast (almost) everyday. no more Mars bars on the tram for breakfast.

3. exercise more.... actually, just exercise.

realised my lack of exercising and sports playing since i came to melbourne. and by exercising i dont mean just plain walking. i wanna play some real sports. like badminton. T_T havent touched a racket for so long, played once last year and i sucked. *vomit* so embarrassing. and i wanna learn how to swim freestyle too!

4. be a happier person. try not to let what other people say/feel affect my emotions =)

5. better time management!

6. listen more to my rational brain, and be less emotional about things.

7. make more friends.

8. be more patient and understanding.

9. be nicer to the ones who deserve it. once again, the give and take principle. will try to perfect my treat-people-the-way-they-treat-you way of interaction.

10. force Zen to get a fb account this year.

hehe~ didnt expect that did u? silly boy =P

2010-01-04T00:42:00.004+11:00

sometimes......... i feel like a punching bag.

a conversation, like everything else, should be a 2 way thing right?

showing over-enthusiasm might lead to people being carried away, but showing just the right amount of interest or lack of enthusiasm doesn't work either. cos sometimes people just plain dont care about what youre saying or what you think. all they wanna do is vent vent vent... get everything out of their system.

i suppose that's not a really bad thing. some things, be it exciting or depressing, are meant to be expressed in some way.

but at least be interested in what other people have to say too?

or else what difference would it be compared to talking to yourself in the mirror? or to a brick wall?

2009

2009-12-31T16:38:00.015+11:00

*edit: post edited to add some things that i missed out earlier... for the sole purpose of documenting the more important things in my laif. =3

***************************************************************

31.12.09. last day of the year, last day of the decade.

this year has been full of ups and downs. the happy days seem to have shrunk, and the gloomy days stretched longer. i guess that might just be the sign of me growing up... this year i got into more sticky situations than i ever did before, and even with my cup almost constantly full of optimism, some days were still very hard to get by.

although 2009 has been a rather painful learning experience, in the end i still did learn alot, and i can perhaps proudly say that i am a year wiser from the last hehe =)

2009 hasnt been a full-on pain-in-the-butt year all year round either. there were happy moments too. the silver linings. the little moments that i hope will stay with me in my memories against the greedy hands of time. old ties were rediscovered, new alliances were forged, promises were made, and although some were broken, i'd like to think of it as yet another lesson learnt, which will, in time, help me move slowly to the target achievement.

in one of the later months of this year, i too got admitted into the hospital (again T_T) due to acute appendicitis and had my appendics removed. it wasnt the 1st time the inflammation happened but i sure as hell am glad that i wont be experiencing that again. the pain was excruciating, but once i was in the hospital and the morphine effect started kicking in, all was good and everything went uphill from there. everyone was helpful and nice =) have to say that overall it wasn't a totally bad experience after all =) went to my 1st wedding too! but i guess i'll not blog about that more hehe.

and may i now present to you...

Jian's 10 favourite and most memorable moments of 2009 =D

sonja+ frank's trip to KL! i absolutely loved the few days we all spent together. =) visiting KL from a tourist point of view, having early morning malaysian style breakfast, bargaining at petaling st, yummy crabs+seafood, bryan's birthday dinner too, "deli-cious" dinner, and the 2 pines of baskin robbins ice cream in less than half an hour. woooo!

meeting up with S3 buds, drinking sake in the afternoon, and doing crazy studio shots at the rmit photography studio after that. hehe! bridge + piano playing which resulted in extended stay in the city which consequently resulted in me getting an earful from my aunt xD

the most serious shot i could find. looks cool eh?:P

made my own sushi!! =D hahahaha my 1st batch of sushi made with sonja during the hols =P

does look abit dodgy but hey its my 1st try! hahaha =) i like making food /shy.

4.
i found a jobbb =O which kinda caused some massive splurging from my part ~~especially during the boxing day sales~~ heehee. but i guess thats just how things work, splurging more than earning *sobs!* nevermind, jian shall save more monies in 2010! /glory!

oh ya! speaking of which, boxing day deserves a spot of its own too since it's exciting and super crazy too but i think i'll leave that for another time =P

midnight birthday surprise xD holidays rock!! photos with bryan so nothing to post up here. but either way, had an enjoyable mooorning. hahaha *_* reminded me of my lack of sleep. oh man! hahaha =)

taking part in a football club. and my only involvement is the contribution of my name bahaha! the name "jian" is very gaya. everyone knows that teehee =3 maju jianfc!

semoga hit top 100 soon /shy

2009 has been the year of good ice-cream/gelati. honey macadamia, greeeen tea, rum + raisin, chocolate.... love love love! NZ natural, gelatissimo etc. they're all good. but the best i ever tasted was the green tea one made by 2 very amazing people on my birthday! =) was drowned by the richness of the taste of the greentea powder, and love =)

my 20th birthday! heheee~~

got the sexiest earphones eveeer!

also got the best pressies ever. and best celebrations ever too =)

and vern says: kapow!

oh man that shirt's so familiar XD

we also got the boys to do some very silly things XD

=x neeext!

went to the beaachhh~~

mmm was searching high and low for a group photo but couldnt find it. and later realised they're all in bryan's camera and he hasnt uploaded them -__-

but anyway it was a happy happy day till i lost my necklace and my mood just went downhill but at the end of the day the silver lining was once again protected by everyone =333 /shy

10.

and all the tiny little random spontaneous craziness of many many people,

and everyone else's little acts of kindness that made some of my days far more pleasant.

i know i am loved. and i thank all of you who helped light up my days this past year. love you all! =) and for those who read my blog, thank you as well for sharing my journey this far =)

happy new year all! =) may 2010 bring everyone a better start to the year, new opportunities, promises, and joyous experiences. =)

kurisumasu!

2009-12-29T00:02:00.003+11:00

It's been slightly over a week since my aunt left for malaysia. and i'm loving every single bit of my freedom right now! =)

been abit antisocial cause my interpersonal communication has been reduced to only 2 people for the past week, but still i'm not complaining, since it'll be reduced to only 1 by the end of the year *sob!*

oh wells, that doesnt mean i'm not going out everyday and learning alot of things =)

oh yea and i had a wonderful wonderful christmas thanks to Frank and my brother for the crazy, interesting, fruitful and eye-opening adventures, and the amazing pressies. =)

*** *** *** *** ***

watched Alvin and the chipminks 2 today. xDD Theodore is loove

and the female chipmunks are so sexy! omg hahaha

*** *** *** *** ***

and i'm gonna get a haircut tomorrow. expressed my curiousity as to what kind of monstrosity would be unleashed upon my head/hair and heard a laugh. teehee =)

laughter is what makes my day =)

*** *** *** *** ***

watching david letterman's late show now. robert downey junior guest starring!! =O i so wanna watch sherlock holmes. and the tooth fairy! =D

and omg south park marathon during new years eve! =DDD loll if only vern's still here.

彩虹

2009-12-22T00:47:00.005+11:00

Lu said, in terms of human interaction, if 2 people dont change their thinking and heart, things will always be the same. and that if you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll get what you have always been getting.

but i think the latter part is only true provided the 1st part occurs. i understand the fickleness of the human heart... that said, as much as i dont want to believe it, i know the truth is that nothing is ever permanent.

if you keep doing what you have been doing, but the other person changed his/her way of thinking, or needs, or priorities, you wont be getting what you've always been getting, no?

we can promise each other everything under the sun, but when the time comes and when there's a change, priorities and everything shift overnight, and things will never be the same again.

2 months... such a long time. what will happen then? will everything still be the same?

i dont know what i'm looking for, or what i can do, or what i can change. maybe i just need a little reassurance. would you give it to me?

Dispensing Love

2009-12-20T19:06:00.007+11:00

working has been a rather cool experience up till now. (and i hope it gets better)

besides the fact that he can't call my name properly most of the time, having a guitar jamming boss is great fun. when it gets quiet, he whips out his "best friend", he strums, he hums, he sings. then he goes "hey Jee-ahn, sing along!". and he later tells me he's losing interest in pharmacy. great xD

and i learn much much more about life there than i do about drugs. but that's fine too, cos it's fun. =)

it's great having a mentor who tells you never to use others to bind yourself, and that life is all about pleasure. which probably is the soundest advice anyone can give to me cos i never seem to move on quickly enough. always have fun and think positive! =) i think i just found my way to becoming who i was before. hehe

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

i love you.

been doing some reflecting. and came to terms with the fact that i, too, take some things for granted. looks like subconsciously i havent been that innocent after all.

i'm sorry.

my craziness has finally caught up with me. fail to realise not everyone is up to my level of craziness. and i got into trouble due to my mischief-making today.

so i'm sorry and i love you. lol i've said it and i vow to never speak it again. xD

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

and it's the wedding! =)

took a bite, realised it was the yummiest sticky date pudding everrrr and can't resist taking a picture =P

drinks =3

spotted someone with a very familiar jacket xD

(L)

<3

2009-12-19T01:56:00.007+11:00

brought a little companion home with me today to spend the night with =) damn cute kay! <3 looks like baby bear will have to take the back seat for a few nights heehee

bits and pieces

2009-12-17T21:56:00.009+11:00

the best ideas, verses and rhymes always come during shower time. but the sucky part is when i cant just rush out of the shower wet and everything to get it down on paper. and by the time i get out of the bathroom i'd have already forgotten how it's supposed to sound like xD

*** *** *** *** ***

love being a kitchen helper, a cooking-mate (whatever you call it) for a patient and encouraging "supervisor". cooking edible and yummy food feels good too! learnt lots, and positive reinforcement rocks. plus, as long as there's no pressure, all's good =)

*** *** *** *** ***

watched Avatar. ROCKS ASS. love love love the fluorescent glowing colours. and wonderful concepts. nerve endings in at hair endings. uploading and downloading information into a tree database. how awesome is that? so many things to love =)

*** *** *** *** ***

i still cant find my journal. brain overflowing with new compositions and ideas. guess i will be doing massive digging in my room tomorrow. gotta find it before they fade away! the race against time. sigh not something i always win xD

*** *** *** *** ***

back to square one. it always starts off with the ignorance of the innocent, blissfully unaware of all the beautiful little things being missed out. then it's found, lost, found, lost. but despite how i was so certain and clear back then, things seem different now. reality is finally starting to kick in, and like a punch in the gut it hits. the smokescreen is gone now. the rose-tinted glasses that i once used to see through too exist no more. perhaps it never was what i was looking for to start with, but i was blinded. by the foolishness and frailty that defines the very core of the human heart, and by the desperation to fill the black hole-like void, to be whole. but time saw to that problem i guess. the oldest, slowest, most heart-wrenchingly painful, yet the most effective medicine. so ultimately, the main lesson would probably be how you can feel like you've learnt alot sometimes but in the end the last lesson you learn after everything is that you actually havent learnt anything at all zomg! hahaha but such is life. it leads you round and round in circles but you end up where you started xD suddenly reminded of how very young i am still, have a loooong way to go xD

*** *** *** *** ***

mayer is keeping me sane. thank you for the music.

*** *** *** *** ***

feel like writing music. but no piano =( ~~i should really go get a sugar daddy~~ teehee i meant i need a piano. portable or not. doesnt matter. lol and i need more sleep.

hahah random i noe.

half of my heart

2009-12-15T13:39:00.007+11:00

from the caveman to lady gaga. lol!

i can so imagine Vern in his shoes speaking the same way as he did at the "newship" part xD hahaha =) isn't that so Vern? or rather, isn't Vern so John Mayer? lolll~ i think Mei Shan or any other S3-ians would agree =)

good love advice too at the end =) so so true.

friends, lovers, or nothing. reminds me of a pic sent to me by Lu.

hehehe injected a little mario humour =P

i want battle studies! the heartbreak handbook.

youtubing mayer mayer mayer.

=) hehehe love.

dec 09

2009-12-15T12:48:00.003+11:00

talk about having a busy month =)

busy and fun calender of this month! heeeheeee =)

lol honestly dont want this month to end tho, cos when it does i'll truly be left all alone in melbourne =S

should tell boss about me booking a flight home soon. mmm actually i wonder if i should. what if he fires me? =O how?

LE SIGH

2009-12-15T02:32:00.006+11:00

miss so many people =(

currently missing Verny boy the most. cos he's leaving on wednesday.

*cries!*

another buddy less! haih~~

Hidup S3!

Mirrormask

last post

found it =O

junkyard

hoshii

worried about throat. get snuggles to chuu it better?

happy family =3

Elmo is my best friend.

cleaning up.

important!

=3 Jian's worrldddd

need fat.

waaambweengs =3

Lessons with Jer.

I'm BACK! AHAHAHAH

想消失。

expectations.

walking down memory lane...

A B C D~~ snap!

geerahfaaa~

S =)

of buses and nougat =O

the mother figure of the house is not home~~

While my guitar gently weeps.

candy LOVE!

needles.

cheese!

i'm not human.

=(

气呆了

See, Frank...

幸福恐惧症

$__$ kaching!

Faith.

rant post ahead... only half actually haha

Dear Elusive Bliss,

To you!

candy heee~ =3

kind soul is LABU!

Up in the Air

Fresh Start

Wonderwall - Oasis

cny waaalk =3

happy v-day!

100214

domo-kun =3

i'm my own.

hush hush hush

drinking night.

bad apple

awesome papercraft =o

teddy flaai!

ladeedoidall

How to...

Download the music

Z

posers *_*

sundae cravingg =3

dreaming.

feeling the need to frolic at 1am.

little things, big lessons

elmo+JM lololol

Rocky Road to Dublin

War of my life

suki

love!

Pizza!

onigiri lunchiee!

hot!!

wheee~!

rum+raisin =3

Something cool.

Battle Studies-ing

i hate waking up feeling like crap =(

new year resolutions

2009

kurisumasu!

彩虹

Dispensing Love

<3

posers _